As some of you might have noticed – it's been awhile since I've updated you on my progress.  There's a reason for that.  I slid back into my shell and quietly went back to stress eating.

I must admit that I didn't think I would be doing this again after everything I've gone through in the last year to lose weight and get healthy.  I was doing so well and had really felt like I had reclaimed my life.

confession

There's obviously more lessons for me to learn or else I wouldn't be back in this same situation.

I was ashamed to say anything or to let anyone know what was happening – when in truth I should have posted and reached out to all of you that have been such an amazing support for me.  So many times I wanted to just roll around on the floor, kicking and screaming, crying, and getting angry about why this is happening again.

It's depressing and debilitating at times.

It's like I can't breathe and overwhelming shame encapsulates my mind and there is so much self judgement that it's just crazy!  I'm really my own worst enemy when it comes to judgement.

I do the whys:

Why me?

Why didn't I stop this pattern?

Why didn't I learn that eating doesn't solve anything?

Why do I keep making the wrong decision to grab food rather than do something healthy for myself?

Honestly, I don't even feel like I can answer that right now.  Maybe it doesn't need to be answered.

All I know is that I'm here and dealing with it.  My cousin has frequently told me over the years that dieting doesn't work – that eating in moderation and eating healthy foods is the key along with getting some exercise.

Do I listen – yes – but I don't always take action.  I get caught up in these diets that seem like will work – and it does – but then when the party is over and I go back to eating normal foods and trying to maintain – I just can't seem to get my body to cooperate.  I've a few books that have mentioned that these diets will mess up your metabolism and that's one of the reasons you can gain the weight back so quickly.

So – I'm done.  No more diets.  I'm just doing portion control, organic foods of vegetables, fruits, grains, nuts/seeds, healthy oils, fish and soy proteins, and lots of water and at least 30 minutes of exercise a day.

I'm feeling better already and enjoying eating “normal” foods again without feeling like I'm dieting.  It's a lifestyle – not a diet.

I would love to hear what you all are doing, what road blocks have you hit and how are you dealing with it?  Leave me a comment below.

Image:  Philippa

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