As some of you might have noticed – it's been awhile since I've updated you on my progress. There's a reason for that. I slid back into my shell and quietly went back to stress eating.
I must admit that I didn't think I would be doing this again after everything I've gone through in the last year to lose weight and get healthy. I was doing so well and had really felt like I had reclaimed my life.
There's obviously more lessons for me to learn or else I wouldn't be back in this same situation.
I was ashamed to say anything or to let anyone know what was happening – when in truth I should have posted and reached out to all of you that have been such an amazing support for me. So many times I wanted to just roll around on the floor, kicking and screaming, crying, and getting angry about why this is happening again.
It's depressing and debilitating at times.
It's like I can't breathe and overwhelming shame encapsulates my mind and there is so much self judgement that it's just crazy! I'm really my own worst enemy when it comes to judgement.
I do the whys:
Why didn't I stop this pattern?
Why didn't I learn that eating doesn't solve anything?
Why do I keep making the wrong decision to grab food rather than do something healthy for myself?
Honestly, I don't even feel like I can answer that right now. Maybe it doesn't need to be answered.
All I know is that I'm here and dealing with it. My cousin has frequently told me over the years that dieting doesn't work – that eating in moderation and eating healthy foods is the key along with getting some exercise.
Do I listen – yes – but I don't always take action. I get caught up in these diets that seem like will work – and it does – but then when the party is over and I go back to eating normal foods and trying to maintain – I just can't seem to get my body to cooperate. I've a few books that have mentioned that these diets will mess up your metabolism and that's one of the reasons you can gain the weight back so quickly.
So – I'm done. No more diets. I'm just doing portion control, organic foods of vegetables, fruits, grains, nuts/seeds, healthy oils, fish and soy proteins, and lots of water and at least 30 minutes of exercise a day.
I'm feeling better already and enjoying eating “normal” foods again without feeling like I'm dieting. It's a lifestyle – not a diet.
I would love to hear what you all are doing, what road blocks have you hit and how are you dealing with it? Leave me a comment below.
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